DENSEST ELEMENT

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Bushcronium. ” Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium is “W.”

Bushcronium’ s mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.” When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

Found via Jake’s Mom

You’ve probably seen this one on the web before… it’s been around since about 1997 or so and it is actually a true story. So if you haven’t seen it before you get to have a laugh and learn something, if you’ve seen it before you’ll at least get a chuckle about it again.

Continue reading →

Warning
Consumption of alcohol:

• May make you think you are wispering when you are not.
• Is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.
• May cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
• May lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
• May leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
• May make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• May Make you think you posses mystical kung-fu powers.
• May cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species, and/or name you can’t remember.)
• Is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on your forehead.
• May lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
• May lead you to believe you are invisible.
• May lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.
• May cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Found on a menu

Two IT guys were talking in a bar after work. “Guess what,” says the first IT guy, “yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde in a bar.”

“What did you do?” says the other IT guy.

“Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off.”

“You’re kidding me!” says the second IT guy.

“I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop.”

“Really? You got a new laptop?”

Emailed to me from a friend (Hi Chantel)… The scary part is how true this is…?

SIX PHASES OF A PROJECT
1) Enthusiasm

2) Disillusionment

3) Panic

4) Search for the Guilty

5) Punishment of the Innocent

6) Praise & Honours for the Non-participants

Found on the Buildaid website.